A careless and silly essay about a serious threat to mental health. Clearly, smartphone addiction is an issue for many people in our consumer society of insatiable appetites. While useful as a tool for communication, the device fosters narcissistic self-validation the user craves. Smartphones are like heroin for the bored, banal yet self-important junkie. The best treatment for smartphone addiction is to throw the device away, learn some meaningful skills, stop obsessing about yourself and become an essential member of your family and community.